The 4 L.O.V.E Styles – Which One Are You?


According to Charles Morgan, “As knowledge increases, wonder deepens.”

I was browsing through Passages this afternoon and came across an interesting book by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott entitled L.O.V.E – Putting Your Love Style to Work for You.

When it comes to relationships, I believe knowledge is power. It’s important to know yourself and your partner so you’ll be able to work together as harmoniously as possible. With knowledge, comes understanding. Once you know why a person is the way he is, you’ll be able to be more patient and considerate. Loving another person is intentional and takes a lot of hard work. The more you know about each others personality, the better your chances for success as a couple will be.

L – Leader
O – Optimist
V – Validator
E – Evaluator

Please note that you are not exclusively one personality type. People are usually a combination of all four. But we usually have a dominant personality type among the four. Understanding what type you are will help you improve and be a better person.

Type 1: LEADER – The Take-Charge Spouse
Deepest need: Control
You like taking control and often expect every one else to follow – including your spouse/partner.
Motto: If it’s worth doing, do it now.
Descriptor: Doer
At your best: Goal-oriented, Focused, Self-confident, Visionary, Hardworking
You are goal-oriented, competitive and disciplined. When you set your sights on something, you cut through everything else to get to it. You have a clear picture of your future and you set out to create it.
At your worst: Stubborn, Insensitive, Easily annoyed, Hot-tempered, Domineering
You have a strong will and can become obstinate. Because you like to move fast, you have the tendency to put down those who don’t move or think fast enough. You are easily irritated and can be domineering and opinionated.
How you’re hardwired to love: You like being productive and treat your relationship as a means to be productive. You operate on a to-do list and like to deal with conflict immediately. Because you are a visionary, you like to initiate experiences and create memories by planning trips and adventures. You can commit to a vision without understanding the details of how it will be realized. You simply have the confidence that the details will come in time. You’re hardwired to love by doing loving things and making a positive influence through your actions.
Definition of Love: Love is…being intentional and active about building our future together.
Your approach to relationships:
Communication – direct to the point, can be an impatient listener
Your approach to conflict – direct, you want to resolve conflict immediately
Intimacy – you are likely to be upfront about your sexual needs and initiate it when you desire it
Finance – you have a financial goal and you will do everything to achieve it
Free time – you barely have any free time. Because you like being productive, you often multi-task and fill up all your time with activity.
How you can improve in relationships:
Cultivate patience
Slow down
Put a lid on your anger

Type 2: OPTIMIST: The Encouraging Spouse
Deepest need: approval
You desire to please people and want affection. You also like to have fun.
Motto: If it’s worth doing – make it fun.
Descriptor: Talker
At your best: Fun-loving, Positive, Persuasive, Sociable, Encouraging
At your worst: Avoids conflict, Dramatic, Easily distracted, Prone to procrastinate, forgetful
How you’re hardwired to love: You love romance and expect passion, excitement and enthusiasm from your partner. You desire an affection marriage, free of tension and overflowing with joy. You express love through affection and encouragement.
Definition of Love: Love is…being fully attentive and giving each other affection and acceptance.
Your approach to relationships:
Communication – love to talk. You feel most loved when your partner listens to you
Your approach to conflict – you tend to avoid confronting the issue at hand event when your partner wants to discuss it
Intimacy – you are likely to be fun, energetic, creative and eager to please in the bedroom
Finance – you seldom take time to plot out your finances and are casual with money
Free time – you love free time and thrive on it
How you can improve in relationships:
Be willing to disagree
Be more upfront and honest
Talk in moderation and allow your partner time to talk as well
Respect any plans you’ve made together

Type 3: VALIDATOR: The Devoted Spouse
Deepest need: Harmony and peace
You are designed for loyalty, union and agreement. You need stability and consistency. You don’t like change unless there is a good reason for it.
Motto: If it’s worth doing – we’ll do it together.
Descriptor:  Watcher
At your best: Loyal, Agreeable, Thoughtful, Attentive, Tolerant, Nurturing
At your worst: Withdrawn, Indecisive, Resistant to change, Aloof, Unable to say no
How you’re hardwired to love: Calm and peaceful is your approach to relationships. You don’t want to rock the boat and desire stability in your marriage.
Definition of Love: Love is…being reassured that we are on the same team and working together.
Your approach to relationships:
Communication – you tend to be on the quiet side and hide your true feelings to avoid conflict
Your approach to conflict – you internalize your struggles and keep your true feelings bottled up
Intimacy – you view sex as an expression of love
Finance – you have a financial plan and stick to it
Free time – you like planning out your schedules and expect your partner to follow it
How you can improve in relationships:
Express yourself more
Be flexible with your plan
Learn to say no
Join in the excitement

Type 4: EVALUATOR: The Careful Spouse
Deepest need: Perfection and quality
You have a deep need for perfection and take a lot of time to decide on something. You examine all the facts and study all options before making a choice. When you do decide, it’s hard for anyone to change your mind. You seek excellence and feel a deep need to do things the right way.
Motto: Anything worth doing is worth doing right.
Descriptor: Thinker
At your best: Orderly, Conscientious, Thorough, Scheduled, Purposeful, Factual
At your worst: Obsessive, Critical, Moody, Suspicious, Rigid
How you’re hardwired to love: You have high ideals for your marriage and want the best marriage possible. You analyze your relationship and evaluate what each of you is doing. For you, love is something to improve. You are a conscientious partner who like to know what your spouse wants from you – the more detailed, the better. And you’ll work hard to meet those expectations and desires. You derive pleasure from knowing precisely what you can do to make your spouse feel appreciated and loved.
Definition of Love: Love is…having time to gather my thoughts and feel good about a decision.
Your approach to relationships:
Communication – You like a sensible conversation, especially when it’s deep and intellectual. You like to focus on the facts but you’ll also probe for the “hidden meaning”. You’ll often ask your partner specific questions to understand him/her on a deeper level.
Your approach to conflict – You can be very detailed and rigid. Many of your fights are the result of feeling criticized.
Intimacy – Predictable and intentional
Finance –Highly organized and detailed
Free time – You are studious and often prefer to read or study rather than interact with people.
How you can improve in relationships:
Lighten up
Relax the rules
Excuse incorrect details
Allow for interruptions
Minimize criticism


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