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Remaining chaste and pure before marriage has become even more of struggle in todays world were sex outside of marriage has become the norm. Nowadays it’s accepted in most cultures to engage in sexual activity outside the marriage bed. I know that this is a sensitive topic to most people but I’ve chosen to write this post because it’s very real and it won’t go away simple by sweeping it under the bed. Keeping ones purity is a genuine struggle and I’m the first to admit that I struggle with it just as much as the next person.
According to C.S Lewis in his book Mere Christianity, to maintain our purity, we should either be completely faithful to our spouse or if unmarried, be totally abstinent. Now this is so contrary to our basic nature and that’s why it’s so hard to do.
He goes on to say that there are three main reasons why we struggle with sexual purity.
First, we have been led to believe by the devil in the lie that sexual desires are “healthy” and “normal”. And like all powerful lies, it is based on a truth – sex in itself (apart from the excesses and obsessions that have grown around it) is “normal” and “healthy”. God intended sex to be enjoyable so we would derive pleasure from it. It’s one of the greatest things you can experience with someone – but that someone should be your spouse alone. The lie then consists in the suggestion that any sexual act is healthy and normal. That’s it’s ok to give in to all our sexual desires. However, to achieve real happiness, quite a lot of restraint is necessary. If you do not have any sense of control then you’ll end up ruining your whole life.
Second, many people think that remaining sexually pure is so impossible, they don’t even bother trying. As a result, many give up before they even started. But think about it, when you attempt to do something thinking that it’s impossible, will you achieve it? With that mindset, I think not. It’s like answering a test. You may get some marks for an imperfect answer. But you’ll get nothing if you leave the test paper blank. You can be sure that achieving sexual purity – chastity – is impossible if based on your own efforts. But you’re not alone. God is there to help you. It’s only through his grace that we can hope to surpass this. Sometimes, it can feel like no matter how hard you try you just keep on failing. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but the power in trying again. For this process teaches us to depend on God and not on ourselves. We learn that we can’t trust ourselves even in our best moments and that we need not despair even in our worst, for we are already forgiven.
Third, psychology teaches us that “repressed” sex is dangerous. On the contrary, those who are seriously attempting chastity are more conscious, and soon know a great deal more about their sexuality than those who simply give in. After all, like other appetites, the sexual appetite grows by indulgence. It is in learning to control it that you conquer yourself.
This desire for heart purity is a creation of the Holy Spirit at work in the heart. ~ Duncan Campbell
Physical intimacy between husband and wife is sacred and beautiful. It’s an expression of love reserved for marriage. Chastity isn’t easy to achieve but with God’s help, we can overcome anything. Let’s depend more on him.
All things are made beautiful when done according to God’s perfect timing.
Go live a Truly Wealthy life.